He left.

I found an old poem that I wrote over 20 years ago. I wrote it for Poppy when I found out he was forever out of reach....

You're Leaving!

You're Leaving
Leaving my life forever,
Never to return, Never again.
Oh I'll miss you!

Do you really have to go?
Please don't leave me,
Not now, Not yet.
I haven't gotten to know you.

It won't be the same without you.
Nobody to smile at,
Nobody to be with.
I'll be all alone

If you must go, you must.
And there's nothing I can do.
But I'll miss you every minute,
Until I see you again.

But even though you're gone,
Please don't forget me,
For I'll never forget you.
And always remember,
That, yes I do love you.

Memories found in moving

Now that both my daughters are finally out of the house, I've decided that it's time to move to a place that's smaller. I don't need 3 bd. Why? It's just me and my cat Pepper. She sleeps with me so the other two bedrooms are just gathering junk. It's definitely time to move.

I've even found the place. Cute little 1br. downtown, 3story brownstone. Newly renovated, new appliances. Quite. Cute! Only problem is I've got to weed through a 3br down to a 1br. We've lived here for 10yrs. and that means a lot of stuff to go through! Neither of the girls took very much when they left so I've got to sort all their crap on top of my crap too. 

I've been working on sorting stuff and tossing stuff and putting things into the two different rooms for 'yard sale' 'saving' and 'trash.' Trash and yard sale are huge. Saving is pretty small. Just going to keep the important things that hopefully mean something. I've gone through the baby and school stuff and weeded out the unnecessary fodder keeping the standout memories and pictures. Lots of pictures! Who knew there were so many pictures?

As I'm going through my stuff I came across a letter that I hadn't seen in almost 20yrs. A letter from somebody who was very important in my past and helped shape who I am today. It was from an old lover. From the only man who truly loved me and who truly made me happy. Somebody who still today I still love and cry over. Reading his letter once again brought tears to my eyes and broke my heart.We weren't the most compatible couple and definitely not the perfect little couple, but we were happy while we were together. I was the only girl who made him cry when I left. 

My mother found out that he was a "bad" boy and forced me to go live with my father, and as I left him when I told him what I had to do, he was crying. As was I. When I returned home though, he took me back. Why I left him again I don't know. But I did and things went from bad to worse. The last I saw of him was in jail. Where he still is today. 

I got up the courage to write him a letter and tell him I found the letter he wrote me and how it affected me and how sorry I was that I hadn't contacted him before hoping beyond hope that he remembered me. He did remember me! I was so scared that he wouldn't. I was overjoyed that he did. He's asked if I will continue to write him and I think I will. He was such an important part of shaping my life. I may never be able to see him again, but I don't think I ever want to lose touch with him again. I still love him as crazy as that sounds.